I'm a "Narcissist" ~the way of understanding about myself~

From the title, as you know,

I'm a narcissist.

But it's not today's subject, i wanna write about the latter,

"the way of understanding about myself"   

Honestly, I've already noticed that personality in my unconscious.

As a result of this way, i just had no choice to admit it.

Well, how did i do?

According to Henri Bergson who is a symbolic philospher in France,

" Art playes a role for making audience notice the thing which was not recognised through the medium of artworks "

I am a simple-minded so i tried it without any doubt by drawing my portrait for searching my new sense of identity.

For almost all of people who have never learned art, even dessun, sensor or feeling is reflected in that artwork in unconsciousness, actually in dessun, it's not better but in this time i took advantage of it. Only we have to do is drawing portrait, there's no problem to use any material like picture, mirror.

About the result of this experiment,

i don't still find my "suprising" sense of identity like i shout.

but furiously, the artwork insists so many things which i didn't wanna say out loud.

In my case , for example, "Im a narcissist" , " the contradict situation about me"

From the first purpose, a littlie bit far, however as the understanding of real,

that's not bad.

for the present, I image we can make use of it from personality to charateristic situation. Comparing to taking pscycological test, this way is even better.

About a portrait, we start making from nothing, and cannot deny the works cause we made it.

Well, why is the pscycological test not better?

Usually, this test makes a conclusion based on statistical "pattern".

( if you answer A, you are somewhat shy) like that.

When we take it as one of the amusement, there's no problem at all, nevertheless

if we received the result of this test more seriously, i would think "it's so dangerous" .

Originally, human's recognition is done by categorizing a phenomenon, thing for "pattern". And after that we understand by using that "pattern".

As a exapmle, when we see one silhouette it seems like apple, maybe we deduce "probably, that shape is apple" even though we don't see apple itself. The "pattern", shape of thing, leads us to the answer.

 If there's no pattern for imaginating in our brain, we would deal it by one of the emotion "suprising" and then will make new pattern.

Basically,Those things are done in unconsious algorithm and if we put "the understanding about ourselves" on this line, what will be happened? 

While we analyze the test result, we are active, as of taking test, we are passive.

 We continue to click and wait feedback with the intention of existing "pattern",

then, by believing its result seriously, even though there is no evidence for proving 100%right, in unconsciousness, we'll try to change our shape for fitting new one which is based on test result.

Though at the beggining we start for searching "new" ,eventually, it leads to lose a sense of identity.Moreover, all of this process is done in uncounsciousness as i wrote above, so the person concerned can't notice, and "understanding about ourselves" runs away.

This minus spiral is happened,

so not taking psycological test we can find easily on the internet seriously, we would rather to draw our portrait in our house. At least, it will not be trigger for losing ourselves.

"we can get a lot of information instantly on the internet"

"Comparing to the past, social system became much more complicated"

There're so many people who think above.

Of course, we can receive many blessing from that, but on the otherhand,

some people may lose themselves by too many information, too complicated system,

and I'm also one of them.

  Occasionally, making the place which is divided from society completely,

we need to look into our inner selves through the art.

Anyway, also today, i draw my portrait.